$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
