This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
