He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
