If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
