I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
