with your own penis?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
