Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
