I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
