yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
