just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
