Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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