I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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