apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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