so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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