i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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