You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
