the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
