A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
