i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
