Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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