Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
