found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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