C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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