So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
