If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
