No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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