i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
