Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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