Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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