I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
