idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
