i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize