Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
