Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
