I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
