is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
