wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.