Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...