she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
