no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i think my mom watched the whole time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
