Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
