We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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