we have officially lost it.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now