oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
