I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
