in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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