have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
