a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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