I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
