this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
