Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.