I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
