As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
