my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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