Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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