He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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