we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
