how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
