She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
