I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think my moral compass just broke
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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