Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
