Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Couch. On fire.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
