my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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