Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
