he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
