Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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