you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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