May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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