his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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