My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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