Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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