Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize