your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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