I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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