so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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