ya dads aren't the best wingmen
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
