they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
