So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
