my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
