He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
