The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
