Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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